14 January 2011
Its been such a very freaking long time since i last updated my blogger. Since i know nobody would visit my blogger anymore, i will just update it for the sake of me. Hehehe. 2011 was a good start for me. Whatever happens during 2010 will stay in 2010. Yeah, i've decided not to open up my heart for anyone anymore. I've had enough of heartbreaks. I need a break. I just want to live my life peacefully. I've also another reason why i can't accept any other guys but let's just be a secret between me and my heart. I met Khai yesterday at Pasir ris. Yes, i missed him too much. We decided to go Pasir ris park since that has been our place since we were together back then. We slack for awhile at our favourite pondok and awhile later Khai asked me to follow him to go to the playground area and i followed. At first, i decided to walk slowly but Khai forced me to sit behind his bicycle and i have no choice. I accidently hugged as i'm scared i might lose control. I had fun, alot till there's no words can describe it. Khai filled it with laughters every minute and for a moment, i missed the times when we were together. I tried to hide that feelings. I tried to hold back my tears but i just can't. I'm too weak. During the time, when we rode the bicycle back to the interchange, i hugged Khai tightly from the back and i rest my head on his back. He didn't say anything and for a moment, i felt happy. Yeah, i miss hugging him. I can't deny that he's the best thing that has ever been mine and eventhough he's not mine anymore, i'm glad that i once has been loved by such a nice and loving guy like him. Yeah, he's once in a million and he's the reason why i'm still single and can't open my heart to any other guys. He's too special for me. Every time, i tried to push away that feelings that keeps coming back to me, the more it will haunts me but i prefer to keep it to myself. I'm happy that we can still be friends but i know i cant have your love anymore and that's the reason why i'm not hoping for anything except for your happiness. A guy like you deserves a perfect girl but i know its not me. I will always pray for your happiness. I still love you. I miss us.
20 October 2010
F you laa both Bitch and Jerks. How lame can you be , Khalid . Look, I didnt ask you to come to me and confessed that you have feelings for me. I dont wish for your love. Truth is, the reason why i did all this was just to prove to Aishah that you're such a BIG time jerk. Wanna know why i always paitow and make up stories? Because i wanna see how truthful you are. Yeah, i know you're with her, no doubts. But when i voice out my doubts , you gave all those lame bullshits. You involve her with ur ex. Like What the heck? But boohoo too bad, i dont trust every single words that came out from your mouth. Now when you get caught, KABOOM ! Everything is proven. Hello, i dont give a F-care if you love Feeqah or whatsoever cause obviously i dont love you and you dont have my respect. Maybe Feeqah can forgive you because she is stupid and cant see the truth yet. To me, once a player forever will be a player. Dont tell me , you've changed or whatever shits cause i dont F-ing care and oh please dont give a stupid damn reason for me cause obviously it totally has no connections. Kalau da gatal sangat, apape reason pun boleh okay go punye. Haha ! Guys like you are so easy to find. nowadays so i dont feel any lost right now. Thanks Ex boyfriend for wanting to help though you're in the class having lesson and SecretLove♥ for being a listening ear. Seriously i was damn pissed of just now but im fine right now. Im sucking it all up. Im holding on to Nanny words which sounds; Orang yang terainaiya , doa die akan diangkat Tuhan dan dimakbulkan. Yeah. Dont worry, i'll pray that you both will have a such difficult life together that you cant stand each other anymore. N hope that there's another guy will do the same damn thing to your girlfriend. How's that? There's always KARMA. Wohooo! Have a 'GREAT' day alright you both? Not happy with me, Find me laa. What else? PERANGAAAAAAAAI~ Okay shuudup ! Goodbye!
26 August 2010
I read back all my old post and hell i missed every single great moments that happened last year . I missed having a bunch of close schoolmates who never fails to make me laugh my ass out . The moments during camp . Those times when i get to know Khai . Get attached to him on my birthday . Seeing our love grew stronger each day despite of all those obstacles . But sadly , we lost it ever since i start working and you start schooling . Sigh . Well , i guess life is all about letting go of all things that was never meant to be yours even when it hurts you the most and took your whole lifetime to forgets that . I have to admit that i cry badly after i reading all those unforgetable sweet memories . It was my mistake , yes me . It was foolish of me who cant hold a lilttle bit longer and let go of all the good things that God has given me . I have to agree with Dee that the feeling of regrets really sucks . I cant keep it all inside of me any longer . Its really killing me . I texted Khai and confessed every single tiny bits of my feelings to him . I cried to sleep when texting with him halfway . I know i've promised him that i will let go of it but the more i tried the more the feeling keeps haunting me back . I need someone to knock some sense into my head . I really have to let go of him . Im sorry for my harsh words towards you , Khai . It hurts me seeing you easily moved on and letting go of everything while here i am struggling to move on without your love . Though i just broke up with Muzaqir but its your love that im not used to live without . Frankly , even when im with Muzaqir , my mind and heart is still with you and thats the reason why i cant accept him fully . Ive tried of what you asked me to but ny heart still wants your love . It really does miss everything that you did to melts my heart . If only i can turn back time , i will go back to the time where i make a huge mistake by letting you go . I will love you and cheerish you , my dear . I'm willing to go a million hardships just to be with you . But , i have to accept the fact that you will never be mine again . Never ! Sigh .
; Muhammad Khairul Anam Bin Zailani , you will always be in my heart . I miss you . I miss 6th August 2009 .
24 August 2010
#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.#2 When she misses you, she’s hurting inside.
#3 When she says it’s over, she still wants you to be hers.
#4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her.
#5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.
#6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don’t let her go.
#7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her
#8 When she ignores you, give her your attention.
#9 When she pulls away, pull her back.
#10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she’s beautiful.
#11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don’t say a word.
#12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.
#13 When she’s scared, protect her.
#14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.
#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.
#16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.
#17 When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.
#18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.
#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.
#20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.
#21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.
#22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.
#23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does.
#24 Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.
#25 Don’t let her have the last word.
#26 Don’t call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better.
#27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you.
#28 Argue that she is the best girl ever.
#29 When she’s mad, hug her tight and don’t let go.
#30 When she says she’s OK, don’t believe it, talk to her about it, because 10 yrs later she’ll still remember it.
#31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.
#32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.
#33 Treat her like she’s all that matters to you.
#34 Don’t ignore her when she’s out with you and your friends.
#35 Stay up all night with her when she’s sick.
#36 Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.
#37 Let her into your world.
#38 Let her wear your clothes.
#39 When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her.
#40 Let her know she’s important.
#41 Kiss her in the pouring rain.
#42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; “Who’s ass am I kicking today baby?”
#43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you’d read it too.
Sometimes i wish , all guys will willing to do all this for us . No matter how many times we post this to make them understand what we really wants , they wont understand us . Sigh . I doubt so i will have someone who's willing to do all this for me .
23 August 2010
Him : Ko bodo kan tak tau reply . Jgn msg lagi k . Minah 2 min!!
Me : Suke hati aku arh nak reply ker tak . Atleast , aku tak murah macam kaw ! Haha ! Get a life , seriously .
Him : Ko yg takde life budo msg2 aku!!
Me: Aku takda life ? What do u know about my life , dumb ? U're just a stranger in my life . Whats ur rights ? So , if u text someone means u dont have a life huh ? What a stupid defination . Lol !
Him : Buto peh gemok sapa nk ko suar!Jgn msg aku lagi lah gemok! Gemok kasi free pat mana2 pun org tak nk !
Me : Haha ! Gemok ? Kaw cakap kaw tak pernah meet aku so how u know aku gemok ker tak ? Talk crap mann u ! Haha !
Him : Thn y e fuck u text a stranger u fat fuck ! No life kan 2 ! ASS! Memang ko gemok sendiri mau fikir lah.. Da lah since ko ada life sal nk reply..Juz go on wit ur wonderful life.. Dont fuckin text me u fuckin fat pork chop
Me : I know im not fat as a pig n even if i do , it doesnt bothers u . If it does , then get a life laa small boy . Haha !
Him : Ya n ur a total grown up pig for repyin 2 me a small boy.. k tis small boy doesnt want ply wit pigs cause thy r haram so disturb him again k piggy!
Me : Oppsy ! U really entertaining me at work arh . Haha ! But seriously , grow up arh . Da takda point nak matikan orang , all u can ever do is kutok ? Lol ! Is that what the best u got ?
Him : Tis will b ma last mag 2 u fat ass. Fuck u k n reli get a life .. C at werk also no fren wanna layan u!! ASS!!
Me : Now , its my turn to say . My advise is , grow up seriously . Dont go around calling people names like one big F . I may be fat to u but atleast i know how to show respect to others . N siape yang jage malam , dumbdumb ? Haha ! Toodles !
Basically , thats what happened during one of those days when im working in the night . Thanks for that short entertainment . Haha ! Welll , Im living my single life for now . I guess , you're just another Jerk in my life . So much with you love me differently . Haha ! When i reflects back all the things you said to me , i cant deny that you're just a sweet talker . It doesnt make a sense ,, You still love me but you cant forgive me ? Whatever Jerk . Im so over you . I guess , all this while when i said that i love you , its not the real feeling of love cause i dont feel so sad by you leaving me but im glad that im not gonna be hurt by anyone anymore . Woohoo ! Its true what Khai said to me . ; For what i need a boyfriend for ? Whats the need of relationships . Thanks Khai for knocking some sense into me . Okay , im off to sleep now . Goodbye .